Egg

I'm in the home stretch. 3rd trimester just began this week. I love my doctor comment, "Congrats you're almost there. But now you are really going to get uncomfortable with back aches and swelling and...well maybe i shouldn't go into all the gory details. But some good news is is that you passed your diabetes test with flying colors!" Well thank the lord Dr. Kroll! If I had to drink that Orange crap again I was going to make Matt carry our child to full term. Which brings me to my next point...

Why can't we lay an egg like birds? Wouldn't that be awesome? I could just pop out a little egg and then put it in a nest and in a few months...poof! A baby emerges with a little hammer and chisel in his hand (how else is he going to break out people?). Ahh. If only...

Or we could go the way of the Emperor Penguin. I lay the egg and then my husband carries it around on his feet through the winter, while i go off and basically eat myself silly. Hmm...i don't think i thought that one out all the way...

No no. I like the bird idea, except maybe sitting on the egg part. What if i squish him? He's so tiny right now. My kid would come out looking like a pancake.

Darn. I think i just slowly realized that laying, sitting and walking around with eggs all day isn't feasible. Bummer.

Hemorrhoids and heartburn here I come! :-)

In The Stars

Well it's in the stars.  I don't know what I was freaking out about but according to the BabyCenter.org Horoscope, Matt and I will be AWESOME parents!  Aren't we so lucky to know all of this ahead of time?  I guess you all can come visit before we send Little B off to college :-)  

Please Please Read on... (Keep in mind: I'm a Capricorn and Matt's a Taurus)

You two make a dedicated and practical parenting team, clear about the ways in which you will raise your children, and firm in your conviction that your offspring will amount to something (he better! I'm saving up for Harvard ok). With a work ethic like this, your sons and daughters will know what the rules are and that consequences will clearly follow if and when rules are broken (rubber hose or leather belt, you pick.  I'm kidding!). Of the two of you, the Taurus parent is more gentle and approachable, if perhaps a bit indulgent and a lot stubborn. The Capricorn parent, on the other hand, may be more worldly-wise and able to guide children through life's harder lessons (hmm, maybe I should figure out what lessons I've learned thus far...). 

One danger in this combination is the risk of placing more importance on money or work than on the family. At the end of the day, the people who will benefit most from your strength, determination, and devotion will be those who are closest to you. 

Phew.  OK.  So now that we know we will be able to guide our little man when he's older.  I guess I can check that off my list.

Now all I have to do is figure out what I need to get for the nursery...

(I'm thinking, what a wonderful occupation:  If someone could go and register for me - versus Matt and I standing in Babies R Us scratching our heads...I would definitely pay good money for that service!)  

Yuck in a Bottle

Or better yet - throw up in a bottle.  That's exactly what the orange-flavored glucola tastes like.  What is glucola and why do you have to drink it?  Well, OB's decided some years ago that ALL pregnant women should be tested for gestational diabetes between 24 - 28 weeks of pregnancy.  So even if your short or tall, heavy or skinny, history or no history of diabetes, all must be tested because surprisingly, people with no family history or the tell-tale signs of diabetes could have gestational diabetes.

And the story goes (in my head at least): a group of pregnant-women-hating MALE scientists got together and tried to come up with the nastiest tasting drink to give pregnant women everywhere and then of course the leader of this evil scientific cult decided to flavor this "cola" - ORANGE.  Now I ask you, what pregnant woman craves anything ORANGE-flavored in her pregnancy?  No one I've met!  We crave chocolate, Coca-Cola, cookies, cakes, Swedish Fish and ice cream!  None of which is flavored with ORANGE.

So here's my Friday.  Get up, go to work, attempt to concentrate, eat lunch (low in sugar of course) and then drink the ORANGE poison in five minutes flat.  Now mind you this is 10 fl.oz. of crap.  Basically you have to imagine yourself in Freshman year of college (sorry Mom and Dad, but every kid gets drunk their Freshman year) shooting some cheap tequila (minus the lime and salt) in a bar,dorm room, friend's house, where ever you happened to be, and drink this "glucola" stuff just like those shots.  Its painful, yet necessary.  So here I am about 10 minutes after lunch drinking my multiple shots of ORANGE glucola and wanting to throw-up and die at the same time.  After the last gulp I pour cold water down my throat, trying to soak up the toxic flavor while holding back my gag reflex.  Forty minutes after your drink the poison you must then rush to get your blood test.  So not only are you forced to drink this crap but then you have to go and endure a whole other torture just to complete, what should be, a simple test.

At the lab:  I get there and its the large fat woman behind the desk.  (Great.  She's the one that messed up my vein last time.)  I very sweetly ask if the other lady with blonde hair is in today and of course she's on break! (Why God Why?)  She then informs me to take a seat while she goes to set-up the torture chamber for her first victim, a little sweet old lady with tiny, very bruise-able arms.  Fat lady calls first victim to the chamber (Crap.  I'm next.  My veins begin to hide deep in my arms hoping to avoid the onslaught of the torture that she is SURE to provide).  Little old lady leaves, visibly shaken to her core - her arms will never be the same.  I'm next.  She rips my arm out of my socket, wraps the rubber band around my bicep and forces my veins to the surface.  She then pretends the needle is a javelin and throws it into my arm (dang she should have gone to Beijing last summer).  Two vials are drawn.  She then rips the needle out of my arm releasing a fountain of blood and then proceeds to put not one but two cotton balls on the gapping wound (because one can't stop this blood flow) and four pieces of tape (to hold my gushing vein in my arm) that could reach the end of lab, they are so long.  I literally sprinted out of there, unlocked my car, and didn't breathe until I was down the hill from Hoag Hospital and far far away from HER.

Somebody please tell me why I can't just eat a Snickers bar and then go pee in a cup?  

     

Yuck in a Bottle  &  The Wound

How Cute!

Went for my 24 week check up on Thursdy.  I'm officially at 6 months as of Labor Day!  Everything looks great.  According to the doctor, I'm "textbook pregnancy" :-)  So for all those people who are making me worry that I'm too small - silence is golden.  We also reconfirmed that we are indeed having a boy.  You can definitely tell without the technician pointing it out!  

Pregnancy Update:  slowly getting more and more uncomfortable.  Heartburn is a constant now, as are back pains.  I think the kid is using his kung-fu grip to squeeze one of my nerves that runs down my left leg.  It hurts to walk sometimes!  Bending over is getting to be a chore as well (I've never seen a pregnant woman with hairy legs...I wonder who's going to shave mine?  Oh Matty!  Where are you? hehehehe)  Anyway, the baby is kicking up a storm.  During the ultrasound we saw him drinking in fluid and getting the hiccups!  He was also sleeping while accomplishing this great feat - with his legs and arms over his head of course.  I wish you could all be at the ultrasound with us.  The pictures don't really do it justice.

Look!  I have my mom's nose!

I'm trying to sleep!

I can't stop hiccuping!

Yep.  Still a boy!

Uplifted

My spirits have been uplifted since my last post.  I have three words for you.

Isabella  -  Oliver  -   Maternity

I mean look at how LOVELY & ATTRACTIVE this dress is:

 She has this great philosophy of "wrapping."  So if you're a size four pre-pregnancy, you're still a size four in her line because you can loosen the wraps as you go.  Um can we say...genius!  Where's your wrapping Liz Lange?!

Anyway, enough of my new found designer (p.s. her clothes aren't cheap.  eBay folks.  eBay.).  Not much has been going on lately.  I did discover why all the baby books say to eat plenty of FIBER.  Let's just say that my pipes were finally cleaned out this morning after waiting for a few days.  :-)  (note to self: continue to purchase the fiber fruit bars from Trader Joe's).  

The little man is still kicking up a storm and its still really crazy to me because my moods totally have an affect on how he kicks.  For example: if I'm quiet and calm, he's playing dodge ball with his umbilical cord.  If I'm sad and moody, he's giving little tiny pokes, kind of like little hugs for me (that's my emotional brain thinking that.  he's probably just hiccuping).  If I'm pissed (such as when our idiot downstair neighbors left their sliding glass door open ALL NIGHT and their very large PIT BULL got out and decided he liked our house better...Matt opened the front door to a grey and white large dog on Saturday morning), the baby doesn't kick at all.  It makes you pause and think, "how is my reaction going to affect him?"  And thus the parenting starts...

P.S. no one is allowed to come over to our house to see the kid until I have this "parenting" thing under control...so basically no one will be allowed over until after he goes to college.  See you all in 2027! :-)

Clothes

I have a bone to pick with all the woman out there that are designers - clothing designers.  We pregnant women are pissed that we are forced to wear baggy-tent-making-unattractive-clothes.  Why is it that every where I've shopped there is nothing but large baggy prego clothes.  Don't get me wrong, they have some t-shirts and tanks which is nice, but i can't wear any of it to work.  Example A:

Yesterday, I had a training class to go to with all the other benefits people in So Cal.  Afterwards we were going out for drinks and dinner (no I didn't drink!  But I did discover that if you mix cranberry juice and orange juice and a squeeze of lime...its fantastic!).  So here's me in the morning looking at what I currently have to choose from.  Jeans - ok good choice.  t-shirts - no.  tanks - no. and a "flowy, flowery" top - can we say old lady?  (they try to make it "modern" by giving it a v-neck cut, but really its still crap.  I ended up walking out of the house in a black and grey stripped sweater and jeans.  I looked like a blimp.  Ok maybe not a blimp - but i didn't feel like myself.  I don't need to look sexy or anything, but attractive would be kind of nice, especially before i have spit up all over my clothes :-)

So I ask you Donatella Versace, Donna Karan, Viviene Westwood, Vera Wang, etc...you guys want to pitch in and help out the prego clothing designers?  We really could use a little "pick-me-up" in the prego clothing realm.  I don't think woman will stop having babies anytime soon so let's hurry up and get a move on!

Disclaimer: I'm feeling slightly blue (I hear that can happen) and I literally have nothing to wear to go and hang out with my girlfriends tonight.  Thus my sappy, poor me post.  I promise to uplift the spirits in a couple of days... 

Happy Pregnant Mother's Day!

Some facts we do know abut this past Mother's Day:

1. I am pregnant in this photo (even though everyone keeps saying I don't look pregnant, I assure you, I am.)

2. My pregnant mind didn't even realize Matt and I were both wearing shades of purple, until I saw this photo collage.

3. We both have not showered in this picture.  We woke up at 8:30am and needed to be at Matt's brother's house by 9:00am (sorry family.  That stench was coming from us.)

4. Never put Matt on the spot for photos.  When he gets embarrassed it makes me giggle.  Thus the several photos were we look a tad awkward.  (sorry Barbara, we will practice being better subjects!)

Lastly...

5. A big round of applause goes out to Michelle and Barbara - for making us take the photos and putting together this little photo collage so we can remember this snapshot in time.  

We love you guys!